Communicating and Connecting with Your Teen

It can be challenging as a parent or guardian when your teen begins to experience new and big emotions. 

This video explores different ways you can help your teen navigate their emotions by: 

• Asking them questions and encouraging them to do the same; 
• Acknowledging their feelings; and
• Learning ways to problem-solve together.  

By exploring these methods, you can understand more about what your teen may be experiencing and offer simple, effective strategies to help guide them through this time.   

Asking your teen questions and looking at the different ways you can overcome an issue as a team supports your teen in developing key problem-solving skills. This teaches them that there is often more than one way to respond to an issue and gives your teen the opportunity to find an appropriate solution without you doing this for them.

Providing a safe space for your teen to open up about new emotions builds confidence to navigate feelings and to make informed decisions.

References

Positive Parenting Program | Triple P

Tuning in to Teens Online Program

Teen moods: managing the ups and downs | Raising Children Network

Balance trust and freedom with your teenager | Building trust

Adolescent Support Seeking as a Path to Adult Functional Independence - PMC

Problem-solving with teens: steps & tips | Raising Children Network

Exploring positive approaches and solutions to any new situation is helpful.

In this video, we explore the concept of ‘positive parenting’ to support you to build a stronger relationship with your teen and promote responsibility and autonomy over tasks and actions.

Recognising that your teen is becoming more independent can help you to gradually increase the level of responsibility you give them. In turn, this can help them feel more connected to you as you provide them with opportunities to build confidence and develop life skills.

Talking to your teen about different responsibilities and activities creates a collaborative environment for them to trial different tasks and respond to challenges in a positive way. Try to:

• provide a supportive space where teens can take on more responsibility
• create and promote realistic expectations
• talk with your teen if rules are not followed properly
• be mindful of personal needs and boundaries.

References

Positive Parenting Program | Triple P

Tuning in to Teens Online Program

Tips for Understanding and Adapting to the Teen Years | Essentials for Parenting Teens | CDC

Tips for Encouraging Independence | Essentials for Parenting Teens | CDC

Positive parenting and alternative discipline strategies

Teenagers thrive on praise as it builds confidence and reinforces they are doing things well, even if they don’t always look like they enjoy receiving it.

In this video, we demonstrate that praise is an important way to respond to your teen completing everyday household tasks, as it acknowledges that they are engaging in positive behaviours.

It works best when the statement or response describes what has been done or ‘achieved’. For example, saying “I like the way you have managed to keep your bedroom looking neat and tidy” compliments your teen and reinforces that keeping their room clean is a positive behaviour.

Many teens experience feelings of low self-esteem and are often self-conscious about things during this time. Praise can support your teen to recognise their own sense of self and continue to motivate them. Ensure praise is:

• appropriate
• positive
• descriptive

Praising your teen lets them know they are appreciated and can deepen your connection with them.

References

Positive Parenting Program | Triple P

Tuning in to Teens Online Program

Praise & encouragement for child behaviour | Raising Children Network

What Every Teenager Needs: Encouragement - Understanding Teenagers

Learning confidence and adolescent development | Vic Gov

Keeping your teen motivated can be challenging at times as they navigate a new world of experiences, opportunities, and relationships.

Having open conversations, listening, and being actively involved in your teen’s life is a good way to understand their point of view and needs, and to find common ground to set goals.

This video explores how goal setting, when realistic and achievable, is a powerful tool in building motivation in your teen. When setting goals together, it is important that they are:

• created collaboratively to support and strengthen your relationship.
• specific but adaptable where necessary.
• reflect interests and things your teen enjoys. For example, if a goal is to increase involvement in household chores and they have an interest in cooking, support them to learn new skills in the kitchen.

Once your teen has achieved their goal, it is important to recognise this and reward them where and when appropriate. Acknowledging their efforts and using rewards can reinforce positive behaviours and help increase the connection between you and your teen as they build motivation.

References 

Positive Parenting Program | Triple P

Tuning in to Teens Online Program 

Advice for parents of teenagers – The University of Qld

How to Motivate Teens to Study: Effective Tips and Strategies 

Raising a teen and mental health | Beyond Blue

Motivating Your Teenager: Strategies to Inspire and Empower

Setting boundaries is an important part of teen development and can provide everyone with a sense of structure and security.

This video looks at how parents and guardians can approach creating boundaries and agreeing on appropriate consequences with their teen to ensure a healthy level of autonomy and respect in the relationship. Understanding and negotiating boundaries can help to:

• Develop life skills such as decision-making and responsibility.
• Connect parents and teens on a deeper level.
• Generate protective factors in teens’ lives for challenging or new situations.

When you involve your teen in creating boundaries, they are more likely to feel a sense of inclusion in the decision-making. During this process, consider:

• Using a soft and friendly tone to invite cooperation and create a safe space.
• Listening intently to your teen when they offer suggestions.
• Using negotiation skills on points you may not agree on.
• Linking back to why you are setting these boundaries.
• State expectations clearly and use short, simple language.

Be patient if this is not working right away, give your teen some time to accept and respect the boundaries. If they don’t follow through, implement a mutually agreed consequence. 

References 

Positive Parenting Program | Triple P

Tuning in to Teens Online Program 

Boundaries: A Boundary Setting and Social Competence Program for Parents and Youth 

Balancing boundaries: Observed parental autonomy support and psychological control in the context of parent‐adolescent interactions and adolescent depression  

Setting healthy boundaries with your teenager

Creating boundaries is one thing, but helping your teen to respect those boundaries is another hurdle you may encounter as a parent or guardian. It is important for teens to respect boundaries as this can strengthen the bond between them and their parent and help to develop the skills needed for independence and adulthood.

This video explores different ways you can help your teen understand and accept boundaries. You can work through challenges that may arise using a problem-solving theory called ‘STEPS’:

• S – say what the challenge is, listen to what your teen is feeling
• T – think of possible solutions and try to understand your teen’s point of view
• E – examine the pros and cons of each solution and if there is disagreement, discuss ways to work through this
• P – pick one of the solutions you have discussed and try it
• S – see how you both felt, reflect on what worked and what could be done differently next time.

Engaging in this process helps your teen to develop self-determination and autonomy in their everyday life.

References 

Positive Parenting Program | Triple P

Tuning in to Teens Online Program 

Boundaries: A Boundary Setting and Social Competence Program for Parents and Youth 

Balancing boundaries: Observed parental autonomy support and psychological control in the context of parent‐adolescent interactions and adolescent depression 

Setting healthy boundaries with your teenager 

Emotion coaching can help your teen understand the different emotions they experience, big and small, and manage the ups and downs that are a normal part of life. This can help to bring parents and teens closer together.

In this video we explore how emotion coaching can help parents to support their teen to recognise, express and regulate emotions, and feel understood. Parents are encouraged to do this by:

• being aware of your teen’s emotions and noticing changes in their tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions.
• viewing emotional moments as opportunities for connection, understanding and support.
• listening with empathy and validating your teen’s feelings.
• helping your teen to identify and name emotions to better understand what they are feeling and calm their nervous system.

Emotion coaching also encourages parents to consider their own emotional responses to situations and model appropriate ways of self-regulating. When teens see this, they are more likely to respond in a calm manner and can learn important skills to manage their own emotions and relationships.

References 

Positive Parenting Program | Triple P 

Tuning in to Teens Online Program 

How Parents Can Practice Emotion Coaching with Kids

Information for Parents: Emotion Coaching 

Emotion coaching your child

Emotion coaching | Vic Gov

Being a teenager means experiencing a range of physical and emotional changes. It is common for teens to experience a range of emotions as they go through these changes. Understanding your own emotional responses as a parent can help you to support and connect with your teen.

When your teen is distressed or experiencing big emotions, it can be difficult to remain calm yourself. In this video, we look at how parents, guardians and carers can support their teen’s emotional wellbeing and recognise how their own emotional responses and patterns of thinking can influence their teen’s response.

Parents are encouraged to:

• notice changes in your teen’s emotions and help them to recognise when they are feeling a certain way.
• consider how you respond before acting. Give yourself time to manage your own emotions and respond in the best way possible rather than reacting quickly.
• use the moment as an opportunity to connect with your teen.
• listen without judgment by using open-ended questions.

References 

Positive Parenting Program | Triple P

Tuning in to Teens Online Program 

Essentials for Parenting Teens 

Young people, emotions and wellbeing | Parenting SA

Emotion Regulation in Parenthood 

How parents feel about feelings can deeply affect a child's development 

Mindful Parenting: How to Respond Instead of React 

Empathy can help parents to better understand what their teen is experiencing. Taking the time to listen and understand your teen’s perspective, and responding in a way that respects their experience, will ensure your teen feels seen and heard.

This video focuses on parenting with empathy and how this can help to build a strong and trusting relationship with your teen. To parent with empathy, try to:

• Help your teen to identify and explore their emotions.
• Ask open and curious questions and listen without judgment.
• Repeat back what you’ve heard in your own words and avoid making assumptions about how your teen feels.

The goal is to try to put yourself in your teenager’s shoes and see the situation from their perspective. This can help you understand how they are feeling and strengthen your connection with them. There will be times when your teen doesn’t want to talk and that’s okay. Sometimes, just knowing that you’re there for them when they need it is enough.

References 

Positive Parenting Program | Triple P

Tuning in to Teens Online Program

Communication Tips | How to Talk to Your Kids | Kids Helpline

Rasing a teen and mental health | Beyong Blue

Research to Practice notes - Parental empathy and child maltreatment 

How to Parent with Empathy 

Exploring your parenting style can help you better understand how you support, communicate and connect with your teen. There is no single way to parent, and every parent or guardian will support their teen differently. While some parents lean towards one style, most use a mixed approach depending on the situation, their teen’s needs and their own experiences.

Different parenting styles can shape how teens experience new emotions and respond to change. Some styles place more emphasis on acceptance and understanding, while others can downplay how teens are feeling. Depending on the style used, a specific response can unintentionally leave teens feeling that their emotions are being criticised or judged.

In this video, we explore different parenting styles and consider where emotion coaching fits within them. By responding to emotions with empathy and appropriate boundaries, emotion coaching can help strengthen your relationship with your teen, build their confidence and support the development of emotional regulation skills.

Emotion coaching is an approach that parents and guardians can incorporate into their everyday parenting. It involves demonstrating support and encouragement while also considering boundaries and solutions with your teen.

References 

Positive Parenting Program | Triple P

Tuning in to Teens Online Program

What is your parenting style? | SA Gov

Parenting styles

Parenting styles

Emotion coaching | Vic Gov

Emotion Coaching Your Child

Being a parent can be lots of fun, but it can also be tiring and hard to find time for yourself. Everyone, parents included, needs to take time to practise self-care and recharge their batteries.

Self-care looks different for everyone. This video demonstrates the importance of taking care of yourself as a parent to better support your teen. You may need to try out a few different things to find out what makes you feel best.

Some self-care activities you can try include:

•  gently stretching for 10 minutes a day
• going for a bike ride or walk, with friends or by yourself
• practising mindful meditation with a guided app
• trying a new hobby
• taking time out to listen to a podcast.

Practising self-care isn’t being selfish. It’s important to look after yourself to help you handle the ups and downs of parenting. Taking time to practise self-care and prioritise wellbeing sets an example for your teen to do the same, which can also strengthen your relationship with them.  

References 

Positive Parenting Program | Triple P

Tuning in to Teens Online Program 

A Guide for Parents – Supporting your child’s mental health 

Managing uncertain times | Think Mental Health

Parents and carers: 'essentials' toolkit